It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
