Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
