I just cut my nipple shaving
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
