dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
