My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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