It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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