I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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