i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize