I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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