He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
