Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
