My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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