Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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