he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
