I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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