period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize