I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
third nipple confirmed
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
