In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My pussy is not your playground.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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