it wasn't lemon gatorade
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
