put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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