i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize