Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
