i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
