I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
