As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
