i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
