K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
