70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so let's talk penis.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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