I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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