I accidentally had phone sex last night
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
