Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
