Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
