Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
