So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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