Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
