Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
