This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
