quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
