i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
