is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
