singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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