Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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