Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
