Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Oh god it's open bar.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
