sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
