i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
