I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
