So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
