how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
