someone owes me an orgasm
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
