A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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