After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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