We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
