dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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