Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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