Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
