Mattress luging...It's a long story.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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