tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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