porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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