He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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