Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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