I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
