You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
