Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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