So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
