just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
