That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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