I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
ttyl tear gas
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
