i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's shark week go big or go home
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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