You can't special order awesome
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
