Only a mothe r could love this liver
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
