You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
barbara walters just said penis...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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