ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
