We're facebook friends in real life
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize