You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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