I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
