i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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